There's one quality which I had always prided in myself. I guess that when you're just a little kid, this quality would be praised by most adults. But when you're a grown adult yourself, this quality would seem to be a negative one, even an annoying one at times. And this caused much confusion to me when I was growing up.
You see, I'm the kind of person who would argue for what I think is right. Even when it comes to simple things such as the spelling of a word or the meaning of a word. My mum has taught me to always stand up for my rights since I was a kid. And that is what I'd always did. However, I realized only recently that this quality is not deemed a 'desirable' one in our community. Even though in the West, people value individualism and cultivate the kind of 'I dare to be different' attitude, it is mostly frowned upon here.
I can see how this 'quality' of mine distanced myself from the girls in my 'gang' in uni. And I did think about changing it. (Believe me, there is a lot of stress when people start to exclude you from the in-group. Especially if you're the type of person who can't stand being alone). So I gave serious thoughts about changing this certain 'quality' of mine.
But wait! Isn't changing attitudes to fit in with the crowd something we do in our preteen years in secondary school? It's not something we should do when we're nearing the big 2-0. Seriously, this dilemma is really bothering me.
I remember last year in class, I argued with my Psychology lecturer over what she lectured. Because I myself experienced the type of condition she described about, I asked her more questions to validate my doubts. She kept on saying that I was wrong. And I kept on asking her more questions to a point that she got annoyed. I remember clearly my classmate sitting beside me saying, "She said you're wrong. Stop arguing."
WTF??!!! If the lecturer says I'm wrong, that means I'm wrong? I am very pissed about that incident, until this day. I'm not arguing about the 2+2=4 kind of thing. This is something that could not be validated as simple as that. So how can others judge me wrong when there is not enough research done to tell them that they are right? Aren't we all just speculating? So does that mean the majority is always right? So Galileo Galilei is wrong when he said that the earth is revolving around the sun just because the majority disagrees with his views?
I still do not know whether this quality of mine is something I should be proud of or something I should change. But it is what defines me and sometimes I think I shouldn't bother about what others think of me. BUT, the truth remains that I do care about other people's opinion about myself. And my friends' rejection towards this kinda attitude is making me miserable.
I wish they would read this and tell me that it is okay :(
Labels: Emo posts
The Author
Wanna know more about me? You're at the right place. I'm 21 this year, a female (duh!), and I'm currently leading a dull college life.
You might catch a glimpse of me if you step into the grounds of HELP University College. Now, if you don't mind, please divert your attention to the bigger box on my left. Cheers!
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