I don't want to be mediocre! I don't want to be average!
But sometimes I just feel like I can't do anything at all. I'm at a crossroads in my life right now and I don't know which road to choose. I'm not sailing through college..my results are not spectacular.. And I'm just like one of the hundred and thousands of college students with average results. The problem is, I'm not content with being average.
Another thing that's bothering me is that people around me seem to have something to fall back on, like a family business. But as for me, I know that if I fuck this up, I'll have nobody but myself to count on.
And I'm so sick of people around me saying that this is better, choose this. When I've made a decision, someone else will come and tell me that the other option is better. I'm already very confused, why are they still messing with my head? The truth is, I really don't know which career would suit me better.. That's why I'm still experimenting...
I try to put on a brave front but only I know that I' crumbling down in the inside.
And as if I don't have enough troubles already, my brother has to create problems for the family. Study well la! He's acting like he doesn't care. The whole family's worried about his results. It's bad, and he doesn't have the will to improve it. My parents have been scolding him and it seems to only make things worse. Now he's saying that he doesn't wanna go for tuition classes anymore. And my parents, they do not know how to deal with it because they never had this problem with me when I was his age.
I have many things bothering me which I do not tell my parents. I don't see the need to trouble them with my own problems. What I know is that they've worked hard to put me through college and I should be the one to solve my own problems.
I feel like no one understands me. I feel so scared. But somehow, I'll need to push through... I'll force myself to push through... That's the most I can do right now..
p/s: I'm trying not to trouble you guys! But don't think that you can give me extra troubles just because of that!!! I'm gonna explode one day!!!
Labels: Emo posts
The Author
Wanna know more about me? You're at the right place. I'm 21 this year, a female (duh!), and I'm currently leading a dull college life.
You might catch a glimpse of me if you step into the grounds of HELP University College. Now, if you don't mind, please divert your attention to the bigger box on my left. Cheers!
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